her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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