you have to choose: penises or morals?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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