you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
