yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
