We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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