I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
