A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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