I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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