Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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