Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize