did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
