please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
