Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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