Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
