remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
