Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Four minutes until I can fart!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize