I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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