So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
