come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
