my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
