I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
