When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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