just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
