after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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