I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't notice because vodka
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
