Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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