I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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