The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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