We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
