Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
