I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize