So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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