Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
