So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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