youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
