Banned from zoo.
Again?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
