Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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