So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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