you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
