Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
