Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
