I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
