he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
