well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
