U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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