We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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