Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
