grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
