the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and she was petting her beer can
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Someone came in the potted fern
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
