its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
