i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
