I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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