i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
