... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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