so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
