No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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