I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need a beard to bite.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
