nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I need moral support for this bender
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize