what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
