I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
