I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
