I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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