Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
