with your own penis?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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