Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The power of my boobs compel you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
