if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
