Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
