i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
