cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
