Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
