You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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