you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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