I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
