i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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