Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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