I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
