Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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