i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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